In Your Arms
by walroose
Summary: Watanuki finally gets a chance to have a 'date' with Himawari, but discovers it's not all he'd dreamed it would be, and he's been having weird feelings about Doumeki lately. What does it all mean? Doumeki x Watanuki, oneshot.


**Doumeki x Watanuki, mild swearing, and that's about it. This is my first xxxHolic fic (which I don't own, might I just add) and I'm really excited about it, so I hope you are too! Enjoy!**

**The title comes from the song 'In Your Arms' by Kina Grannis (check out the music video on youtube, it's really cool). Apparently, when I'm having a hard time with names, I just steal it from a song. xD**

**In Your Arms**

* * *

I should have been exuberant. I should have been skipping down the sidewalk at Himawari's side. I should have been the happiest I'd ever been in my life. But I wasn't.

All of these things should have been true because today I had a rare, I'd even say _impossible_, opportunity to be alone with Himawari. And when I say alone, I mean, especially, without _that guy_ tagging along. Doumeki had to stay late with the archery club and had insisted that we head home without him. Then Himawari had mentioned a new café she'd been meaning to visit and I had suggested that we go. She'd been reluctant, but I eventually convinced her. And with such a success, I expected a feeling of elation to just completely lift my spirits, but I felt strangely depressed as I pulled open the door for Himawari. This felt wrong, for some reason I couldn't put my finger on.

We sat down at our small table and a waitress brought us menus. Apparently this was a pretty fancy place. I tried my best to appear interested in the lists of pastries and drinks, but I was beginning to wish we hadn't come here.

"Himawari-chan, what are you going to get?" I asked. I was looking at the menu still, but felt my eyes drawn to the glass door of the café for a second. No one was entering or leaving. I looked back at the menu and shook my head to clear my mind, but I couldn't get rid of my weird feelings. I took a quick look around the whole café to make sure that there weren't any troublesome spirits hanging out, but I didn't see anything unusual. Whatever was bothering me was a little more earthly, it seemed.

"I don't know, it all looks so good!" Himawari said. "I wish I could just get one of _everything_!"

I smiled slightly, though it took effort. "Why don't you?"

She shook her head. "No, I couldn't! Besides, isn't it more fun to leave something new to try for the next time we come?"

"Yeah, next time…" I imagined, for a moment, coming back to this café with Himawari in the future, but in my mind I also pictured Doumeki with us; not an unreasonable thought. It almost made me smile, but then I noticed that I was staring at the door again, which had remained firmly shut. Yes, something was wrong here. There was a tight, nervous energy in the pit of my stomach, and I felt restless.

The waitress came back and we ordered our coffee and pastries and we chatted about school, but I couldn't really concentrate on the conversation. My heart wasn't in it. I picked at my food, which wasn't sitting well in my unsettled stomach, and I was constantly checking the door. Why? What was wrong with me? Why wasn't I enjoying myself on what could be considered my first date with Himawari?

When there was a lull in the conversation, I really tried my best to pull myself together. Just because I was feeling a little funny didn't mean that I should be rude to Himawari, after all. I cast my mind around for a conversation topic and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "What do you think Doumeki's doing right now?"

"He's at archery club, right?"

"Oh, right! I'm just so used to him barging in on _everything_ that I guess I forgot where he was! So sorry." I was definitely red in the face at this point. Why had I chosen _that_ guy to talk about, of all things? I managed to change the topic and we talked for a while longer about the latest cleaning regiment Yūko had instilled for me. But the whole time we talked, I made sure that I could see that door out of the corner of my eye.

We were only in the café for about a half an hour, but it seemed to drag on forever. I kept checking my watch and keeping an eye on the door, tensing every time someone opened it and always feeling a bit of disappointment whenever I saw a stranger entering the shop. I know Himawari must have noticed, because after a while I let the conversation die and we were engulfed in a silence bordering on the awkward. Thankfully, she was almost done with her coffee, and then we could go and I could forget this nightmare of a date. Or whatever it was.

Himawari studied the last dregs in her coffee cup for a moment, raising the cup to her mouth as though to take sip, but lowering it again before any liquid passed her lips. She smiled a little. "He's a lucky guy."

I looked up at her. "Who?"

"Doumeki-kun."

I scoffed, but my heart rate increased at the sound of his name. "Why do you say that?"

"He's got someone who cares about him so much." She tilted her head to the side, still smiling.

"I don't get it, what are talking about?"

"I can tell that you're not having a good time today-"

"Of course I am!" That wasn't true, of course, but I very well couldn't say anything different!

"Please, let me finish. I know that you're trying really hard to have fun, but you've been distracted the whole time we've been here, and you keep watching the door. You're waiting for him to come, right? You always complain when he tags along with us, but…now that he's not here, you miss him."

The truth in her words stung, but it was undeniable. There had been something missing the whole time we'd been here, and even though I had tried to concentrate on Himawari, he was the only one I could think about. Why was that? Why had he been on my mind so much lately?

"I'm sorry, Himawari-chan. You're right. I can't get that idiot out of my head." I buried my face in my hands and sighed. "What do I do?"

"Do you like him?"

"Do I…what!?" My face turned bright red, and Himawari giggled.

"Well, I think he likes you."

I crossed my arms. "You're wrong. There is _no_ _way_ that guy likes me; we're always arguing. And besides, we're both guys, and that's…that's…you know!" I couldn't find the right word to describe exactly what it was, so I flapped my arms around a little to get my point across. But she wasn't buying it.

"Watanuki-kun! It doesn't matter if you're both guys. Don't you like being with him?"

My stomach squirmed. "I guess so…" I said, averting my gaze, too embarrassed to meet her eyes.

"Then why not give it a try?"

I shook my head. "No. No, I don't like him! _You're_ the one I want to be with. I really like you." Even as I said the words, I knew how hollow they must have sounded to her, and I wished I could take them back. When did the one thing I was sure of in my life become such a big lie? Had it…always been?

"Watanuki-kun, you're a great friend, but you don't really mean that. So give Doumeki-kun a chance. For me."

…

I thought a lot about the conversation between Himawari and me over the next few days. How could I not? Everywhere I went Doumeki seemed to be; we walked to and from school together, we ate lunch together, and every time Yūko sent me on an errand, he somehow had some excuse to come along. Had he always acted like this? Had I just never _truly_ noticed before? In any case, he was on my mind a lot. But I didn't do anything differently than before. We bantered and argued constantly, the same as always, because I was too afraid to do or say anything that might change things between us. Fate, though, wasn't always so considerate of my feelings (in fact, it was usually quite the opposite).

Doumeki and I were walking home after school on a day that had been absolutely average up to that point. Doumeki had forced me to stay while he'd had archery club that day, which, I might add, had run longer than it was supposed it. Now it was getting dark and Yūko was expecting me home to make dinner.

"If she punishes me because I'm late, I'm blaming you, and you'll have to do whatever meaningless task she gives me!" I huffed, pulling my coat tighter around me. It was freezing outside, on top of it all!

Doumeki just shrugged. I muttered a few choice insults under my breath and then grabbed his arm, dragging him away from the sidewalk and into a park on our left. "Come on, let's take a shortcut." With any luck, we'd be able to cut a few minutes off our time this way. He came along without resistance.

We crossed the silent, empty park as quickly as possible while it continued to grow darker around us. The bare tree branches stretched up towards a sky obscured by low, gray clouds and somehow the air seemed even colder here. Every noise, even the rhythmic sound of our feet hitting the pavement, seemed magnified and carried unnaturally far in the chilly air. It was downright creepy.

Somewhere near the middle of the park was a playground, and as we passed it I felt a familiar chill go up my spine. I slowed and glanced at the abandoned swings on my right, which stirred gently in the icy breeze. I shivered and looked forwards again, searching out Doumeki's back in the darkness around us. I jogged to catch up with him, feeling decidedly uncomfortable.

He must have seen that something was wrong on my face. "What?" he asked, looking back over his shoulder.

"I don't know, I just-" I stopped in my tracks and took a deep breath through my nose. "Can you smell that?"

He stopped too and sniffed the air. He shook his head.

"Aw, great, it's one of my friends again." I tucked my chin and nose down into my collar, trying to lessen the smell, and began looking all around us for the spirit that was causing me the physical discomfort.

"Do you see it?" Doumeki asked, taking a step closer to me.

"No. But it's…it's getting closer." I wrinkled my nose as the horrible, indescribable smell grew worse. I heard a rustling sound behind us and turned, unsure of what I'd find. Well, I discovered the spirits responsible, all right, and it was a sight that left me feeling sick.

"Holy shit."

They were children. Or at least, they looked like little children with unhealthy, gray skin, though their energy didn't _feel_ like any child I had ever known. They had outstretched arms and were approaching us slowly, in a way that would have been almost comically similar to a low-budget zombie movie, had it not been for their faces, scarier than any gory make-up job. Their bulbous eyes were totally white, blank and staring. They didn't seem to have lips, so their teeth and gums were bared and exposed. Their cheeks were not round and rosy like real children, but thin and gaunt, their cheekbones easily visible under their thin, mottled skin. These were not benevolent spirits, nor ones looking for my help; no, these wanted me for a different reason. These _things_ were…well, evil, if I had to put a word to it.

"What? What is it?" Doumeki said. He was only responding to my exclamation, because as much as he strained his eyes in the dark, he and I both knew that he couldn't see them. Because that was _my_ specialty.

"They're children, but they don't look friendly." I ripped my gaze away from them, turning so that I could lead Doumeki away from the creepy kids. But there were more coming from behind us, and I saw them in every direction I looked. "They're everywhere!"

"My bow," Doumeki grunted, sounding frustrated. I looked at his hands, expecting to see him wielding his bow against the spirits like I'd seen him do several times before, but his fist was only clenched on air. That's right, his bow was still at school, locked up.

"There's too many of them anyway," I said. I was trying to stay cool, though I was actually beginning to feel afraid as they continued approaching. "But they _are _getting close, Doumeki, so if you're gonna do something, do it now!"

"Dammit!" He whipped around and grabbed me, enveloping me in his arms and forcing me backwards a couple steps until my back touched the smooth bark of a tree. He forced us both down into a crouching position without taking his arms off me. "Go away," he said loudly and clearly over his shoulder.

I understood what his intentions were. He was shielding my body and masking my energy with his own, because he was able to repel the spirits. But as I glanced under his arm, I could still see them approaching. "They're not giving up!"

"We'll wait them out," he growled, tightening his grip on me. I sighed, resigned, and tried to get comfortable, since it might be awhile. This was perhaps the first (and probably the last) time in my life that I was glad that he was taller and bigger than me; I was covered as much as was possible. And I actually _did_ safe there, even though I could see the horrible things only a few feet away from me. I was also able to escape that invasive spirit-odor as my face pressed against his chest, filling my nose with the faint smells of incense and herbal soap. Still, I was glad that Doumeki couldn't see me right now, because I was blushing against the fabric of his jacket in spite of my fear of the spirits. Why did _this_ have to be the only solution?

The minutes passed and I remained sandwiched between the tree and Doumeki, looking out occasionally to determine how many spirits remained. It was odd, but they really did seem like mindless things. They kept approaching me even as their companions dissipated in front of them when they got too close to Doumeki. Every now and then one would be able to send a tendril of energy into a gap in Doumeki's protection and it would touch me, filling my stomach with a feeling of nausea in the seconds before it disappeared. Nonetheless, I remained thankful that their numbers were constantly dwindling. Though, I decided, after watching them for a while, that they were less _evil_ and rather…sad. I couldn't help but wonder why they were here and what they wanted, even if I knew that I myself couldn't help them.

Lost in my thoughts for some time, the next time I peeked out from under Doumeki's arm I saw and felt nothing. They were gone.

"I think…that's it," I breathed, somewhat relieved. Doumeki immediately let go of me and stood up, stretching his back. I would have followed his lead, but when he stopped touching me I noticed for the first time that I felt dizzy and weak after my encounter with the spirits. I touched my spinning head. "Whoa…"

"What's wrong?" Doumeki was kneeling in front of me again in seconds.

"I feel kinda weird. Like they drained my energy or something. I'll be okay, I just need to sit for a while."

Without another word he scooped me up, carrying me as though I weighed nothing. "Hey, wait a minute! Doumeki! Put me down!" I protested weakly, pushing against his shoulder for a moment before giving up. Then I sighed and complained, "Why _bridal_ style, of all things!?"

He placed me carefully on a bench along the path before sitting beside me, telling me silently that he'd wait with me as long as I needed while I recovered. I think I was blushing again. As much as he usually annoyed me, it was _really_ hard to think of the guy as a jerk when he was always doing things like this. Always protecting me. It was kind of unfair.

The silence stretched between us for a few minutes before I finally cleared my throat. "Uh, thanks," I said. He grunted in response. I bit my lip and looked anywhere but at him, all the while watching him out of the corner of my eye. Maybe it was just my drained body that was making me think so weirdly, but I was remembering what Himawari had said about Doumeki with a squirming stomach that had nothing to do with being fatigued. About how...she thinks that he likes me. Maybe I could finally clear that up, once and for all, for better or for worse.

"You know, Doumeki," I began. I gulped, because now that I'd started it, it was too late to stop myself. "Himawari-chan and I were talking the other day and she said something pretty funny." I laughed, though it sounded high-pitched and unnatural and I didn't let it last long. He was just watching me with that blank expression, same as always. "Well, she said something about how she thinks that – get this – that you 'like' me. Like, more than a friend. I told her it was crazy of course, seeing how we're both guys, and we're always disagreeing about everything, and that…well…you know." My nerves had formed into a lump in my throat and I found it impossible to say any more. Well, I'd done my part. Now I just had to wait.

In the dim light given off by a distant streetlamp, I could see his eyes looking directly into mine. They were the only things that existed  
at that moment; his eyes, and my heartbeat, which was going at an erratic pace in my chest as I waited. Eventually he opened his mouth to answer, and I felt my whole body tense.

"She's right."

"Yes, she's…wait, she's _right_!?"

He nodded. "I like you. A lot. Though, honestly, I'm beginning to wonder why."

"Hey! Don't say stuff like that so casually!" I shouted, feeling the heat rising in my cheeks. He covered his ears with his hands and leaned away from me.

"You don't have to be so loud about _everything_, you know."

"I think I have a right this time! I don't get confessions from guys every day, okay!" I crossed my arms, if only to try and disguise the fact that my hands were trembling.

He let me sit brooding quietly for a few minutes before he said, "Well?"

"What?" I asked, avoiding looking at him.

"What's your answer?"

I wanted to say that 'no' of course I don't have feelings for him, but I just couldn't. The words wouldn't come. "I-I don't know," I whispered.

"Then think about it," he said. He stood up from the bench abruptly and grabbed both his and my schoolbag. "You've been acting lively enough, I think you're recovered. Let's go. I'll walk you to Yūko-san's."

I stood slowly, feeling a little dizzy but remaining on my feet solidly enough. He led the way out of the park and then on towards Yūko's shop and I followed a few steps behind him, feeling absolutely miserable and a little guilty, too. Doumeki wasn't one to show his feelings too much, but I could see that his shoulders were tensed and that he wasn't too happy that I hadn't been able to answer him immediately. But, come on! It had been a little bit of a shock!

We reached the fence outside of Yūko's shop after walking the whole way in silence. He unceremoniously shoved my bag into my chest and said, "Make sure you get some rest," before going to walk away without even looking me in the face. I made a split decision to stop him.

"Doumeki, wait!" He paused within the circle of light under a streetlight, but didn't turn around. I closed the gap between us to only a couple feet and spoke as honestly as I could. "I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you what you wanted to hear, but I'm just confused. I mean, I think about you a lot, and I like being with you, but at the same time…we're both guys…so, I'm sorry, but I don't know if I can…ya know." I was staring at the sidewalk, at a spot between our feet, when I heard a clattering. Doumeki had dropped his bag, and was taking that last step that I hadn't, taking my hands in his and pulling us close together. His hands were so big and warm, they completely enclosed my icy ones.

"Watanuki, look me in the eye. If you can tell me that you don't feel anything for me, then we can forget about this. I mean it."

I did as he said and raised my gaze to meet his. His usually calm, expressionless eyes were shining with an intensity I'd never seen before, causing my breath to catch in my throat.

"I…"

"Go on. Just say it."

"I…" My lips moved soundlessly for a few more seconds before I burst out, "I can't! When you look at me like that, I can't say that I don't feel _anything_! When you look at me like that, I can hardly breathe and my heart pounds like crazy! That's not _nothing_, I just don't know what the hell it _is_!" This came forth in a rush, the words practically spilling out of my mouth.

Doumeki released my hands and took a step or two back, so we could see each other's faces fully. His eyebrows were raised slightly, and his eyes wide. I could hardly believe what I had said myself. But it seemed to break down whatever mental wall had been holding me back before, and it wasn't long before I felt my feet move of their own accord, walking me towards him, into his arms once again. I instinctively slipped my arms around his neck and pulled his head down until his lips met mine.

At first, he seemed too surprised to react to the kiss, but I didn't stop. Then, after a few seconds, he returned it, and with a passion I never would have imagined coming from him, taking the lead as the kiss deepened. He wrapped one arm around my shoulders, holding me close to him, and lifted his other hand to my face and neck. Wherever he touched me, my skin felt hot and feverish, despite the chilly temperatures, and it was all I could do to hold on to him as my head went spinning dizzyingly for the second time that night. After a minute, we both paused and drew apart slightly, our breath coming in quick, short pants that mingled and became visible as they reached the cold air around us.

It felt like my heart was pounding somewhere in my throat as I looked at him, a little stunned that _I_ had just done that. And he looked back, satisfaction showing as plainly as it could on his face.

"So…what's your answer now?" he asked smugly after our breathing had slowed somewhat.

My already-red face must have glowed a few shades brighter. "Dammit, Doumeki, that was enough! Don't make me say it!"

"I want to hear it." He kissed me again, briefly. After a couple seconds I pushed against his chest, telling him that was enough.

"Okay, okay!" I said as we separated. I looked away from him, embarrassed as I muttered, "I guess I like you, too."

His mouth twitched slightly into something that could almost be described as a smile. It was a little creepy, in my humble opinion, but it made my stupid stomach flutter anyways. He held me for a few more seconds in silence, and I was beginning to think that was all that would be said for the night (trust me, it was plenty enough as it was) when he whispered, "What would you say if I told you that I _love_ you?"

The sarcasm in his voice (at least, that's what I _think_ it was) totally ruined the mood. I frowned and squirmed out of his grip. "That's it! You're still as annoying as hell, Doumeki! Get out of here, I don't need to deal with this anymore!"

He grabbed his bag from the sidewalk and walked calmly away, raising a hand in a kind of wave and calling back over his shoulder, "See you tomorrow. Don't forget my bentō."

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered, also picking up my schoolbag and finally walking through the gate to Yūko's shop. I marched up the front walk but slowed just as I reached the door and I also felt my lips tug into a smile. I felt better than I had in weeks, an enormous pressure lifted from my chest to be replaced with a lighter, flutterier feeling. "Love, huh?" I whispered, just listening to how it sounded before shaking my head and letting myself into the shop.

I was looking forward to tomorrow.

* * *

**Wah, I wrote this in about two days, and I was surprisingly proud of it, so please be kind! xD**

**But seriously, tell me what you thought. I'm always looking to improve, especially when I venture into a new fandom. And this was really fun for me to write, so I hope it was fun for you all to read! xD**


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